Still Not Forgotten
by nightpearl
Summary: Post OOtP. Remus Lupin receives a letter that turns his whole life upside down. Is he ready to take chances and answer to his school time girlfriend? Please RR. chapter 7 up!
1. The Letter

**Well hello everybody! It's been a long time since my last fanfic but here we are – I'm back… This is a small but not very short story about Remus Lupin's life and past. Here's the first chapter, I hope you enjoy it and will read more when I put it in here. **

**I_ really need readers and reviewers to become better so please read and review my story. And I should warn you: English isn't my native language, so I will obviously do a lot of mistakes - you just have to deal with that… If you want to correct my language or give me some advice, please feel free to do it. I would be more than delighted to receive some tips to improve my English or writing._**

**And last but not least: all the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of' J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are, however, also my own characters (****Lena**** Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they are mine…! **

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I The Letter

Remus Lupin was sitting comfortably on a huge armchair beside the fireplace at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Outside the rain was splashing aggressively to the windows. He had his night off duty and he had planned he'd spend it reading a nice book. This was the moment he had been dreading of – being left alone in this house full of memories and hatred, hatred especially towards him, half-breed. Thick silence was ringing in his ears and he had the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. Trying hard to concentrate on the novel he was reading, he didn't first hear the soft knock on the window. Finally the knocking became so disturbing that he had to raise his stare from the book. Outside the window was the tiniest and whitest owl he had ever seen. He let the soaking wet owl in and it almost fell on the ground because of the weight of its wet feathers. 

"Who's sent you out in weather like that? Come here, take a cookie" Lupin murmured and found it extremely calming to have someone to talk to. The tiny owl hooted thankfully and nipped Lupin's fingers gently. Lupin could see a little piece of rolled parchment tied in its miniscule leg and he untied it carefully. He frowned slightly because he didn't recognize the handwriting on the parchment. It was neat but somehow rebellious, like the writer couldn't decide whether to obey the rules or not. Feeling puzzled he tore the letter open and read the short message.

Half an hour later Lupin still found himself exactly in the same position where he had been when he had first read the letter. Feeling blank and confused he finally managed to find the armchair and sit down. What was this all about? Why had she written to him after all these years? Why she had to tear open all the old wounds and make them bleed again? And why, oh why did it still make him nervous to think about her?

His head spinning fast with all the thoughts and memories he didn't want to live again he raised the letter and read it one more time, just in case the message had changed. It hadn't.

Dear Moony,

I realised I still haven't forgotten you. I would really like to see you and talk to you again. You must understand that it was really hard for me too back then. Or have you already forgotten me completely?

Star

"No" whispered Lupin to the ceiling. "No, I haven't forgotten you, Lena Silverspoon." 

He tasted her name in his lips and tried to remember when he had last said her name aloud. It must've been back since their school times. He had carefully avoided thinking of her and refused any memories of her to rise up. Though now it was worthless to even try. New rush of memories filled his head every second and he couldn't stop it, alone in the house. The only sound to listen was the smooth dropping of the rain. 

Lupin examined dark walls of the room trying to find something else to think. He was too confused at the moment to think about Lena and her letter at the moment. The walls were dusty and looked unfriendly. The house hadn't changed much after Tonks had inherited it from Sirius. It was still the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix and the only thing that had changed was that it now belonged to Tonks and not Sirius. Tonks didn't like the house very much and the house hated her. Luckily Mrs. Black's portrait had finally been removed from the entrance hall, but there was still much hostility hidden in the house. Tonks had been more than delighted to give Lupin the permission to live in the house with her. She had said that it was nicer to be hated by the house with someone else instead of suffering it all alone. For she really had to live in the house. Kreacher the house elf was still bound to stay in the house as long as there was a member of Black family mastering it and it was vital to Order that Kreacher didn't get free to tell out his knowledge of the Order. Of course a lot of damage had been already done but still Dumbledore thought that it was important to keep Kreacher in the house. Tonks had had no chance but to move into the house. Lupin remembered only too well her desperate expression when she had realised that…

He fought hard to keep Tonks's face in his mind but slowly the face started to change into someone other's. A face of a pretty girl drifted to his mind. The girl had violently red and somehow untidy, long hair and pale, freckled face. Her nose was very small and sharp and her face was heart-shaped. She had also a small tattoo on her forehead, a little star. But the most stunning feature in her face was her eyes, which were emerald green and sparkling. Her eyes were always laughing as though she had some kind of a secret, something very funny that only she could understand. 

Lupin sighed. He didn't want to remember. He didn't want to feel all that pain and guilt and shame again. Lena Silverspoon had once been so important to him and he had been so vulnerable when it came to loosing her. He had lost her and managed to get over it. After that there had been other, bigger and more definitive losses and now he had the strong feeling that he couldn't stand anything more at the moment. If letting her come back to his life meant more suffering and even the slightest possibility of loosing her again, he didn't want to try it. He felt that he had the right to protect himself this one time.

But still… Wasn't it one thing he had secretly longed all these years without admitting it even to himself? Just talking to her, even just once. Seeing her face again, hearing her voice… here was his chance. But was he ready to take it? And why had she written to him at the first place? 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**So that was the first chapter… I will put more even if you didn't like it, but in case you did like it, I would become very happy if you told your opinion to me too. And if you hated it, I would really much like to hear that too… ****J**

**Thank you for reading my story; hope to see you soon again!**


	2. Lena Selene Silverspoon

**Hello again! Here comes the second chapter, please read and review.**

**All the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are also my own characters (****Lena**** Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they naturally belong to me. **

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

II Lena Selene Silverspoon

"Remus!" Tonks shouted. "Where are you?_ Are_ you here? Remus?" Lupin startled and woke up from the armchair in the living room. At the same moment Tonks wandered in the room and smile lit up her face. 

"Here you are! I became worried when I saw you hadn't used your bed this night… What were you doing down here anyway?" she added, perplexed. Lupin shook his head and rose up. Every bit of his body was aching because of the odd sleeping position. 

"I... I just … well I must've fallen asleep when I was reading", he said.

"I thought the night off duty means a long and good night's sleep in a comfortable bed. Well, that's what it stands for me at least. Besides, you look horrible" Tonks pointed out politely. Lupin walked to the mirror and saw his own reflection. Tonks was completely right about his looks. His greyish hair was messy and somehow dirty, he had dark shadows under his eyes and there was something about the way he was standing that made him look really desperate and confused. 

"What were you reading so intensely you forgot to go to sleep?" Tonks asked curiously and headed for the armchair. "Hey, what's that? A letter?" Lupin made a move to stop her and whispered "No!" under his breath but it was too late. Tonks had already picked up the piece of parchment and was reading it her eyebrows raised.

After couple of second she raised her eyes and stared at Lupin, eyes full of questions. "I still haven't forgotten you…? And who's Star? What is _this all about?" Lupin sighed and rubbed his eyes. _

"Well, I… it's… uhm." He couldn't decide whether to tell Tonks everything or not. Luckily, he didn't have to make the decision – Tonks had already decided she wanted to hear every little detail of this story. 

"What we need now, is coffee. You don't look too refreshed and I'm about to fall asleep right now if I can't have some caffeine. And then, I need to hear everything." Suddenly Lupin remembered that Tonks had been up all night and must've been really tired.

"You have been out there all night, you really need some sleep. Just go to bed, we can talk about this later" Lupin said hopefully. 

"Nope, I'm fine. Besides, I couldn't sleep if I hadn't heard your story first. I'm kind of a curious person, you know" she added earnestly. They walked quietly to the kitchen and Tonks made some coffee for them. She tried to find some biscuits that weren't mouldy or worm-eaten and finally managed to find a couple of dry chocolate cookies. 

"Well." Tonks said when they both had a steaming mug of coffee in front of them. "Who is this lady that apparently made you really upset?"

Lupin took a deep breath and started: "Well, if you really have to know… Her name is Lena. Lena Selene Silverspoon. She was… I knew her from the school. She was the best friend of Lily Potter, or that time Lily Evans." Tonks raised her eyebrows, surprised. "They were very close and you never saw one without another. They were called "The Twins" because they looked very alike; both had red hair and green eyes. Only Lily's hair was darker shade of red when Lena's was flaming and vivid red. They both looked so much like a prototype of witch that it was almost funny – and yet somehow creepy, if you understand what I mean." Tonks nodded slightly, looking fascinated. 

"So… Lena was the best student there could be in the subjects she liked – those were Potions, Transfiguration and Herbology. Nothing else interested her. And now that I think of it, she also played Quidditch as a Beater. She was the first girl in the Hogwarts history to be selected to play Beater, you know, that's usually boys' job. But she was actually really good! No one could have believed that because she was such a girl – slender and fragile. But I guess there was some kind of hidden aggression inside her, or something…  Anyway, Quidditch was never a true passion to her." Lupin still remembered the Quidditch games from his school times. He had been jealous to everyone in the Quidditch teams – they looked so good and strong, flying fast and  skilfully… all his friends were there and he only had been left to watch it all with envy and secret admiration. It still made him feel bitter and inadequate even now when he had admitted it to himself – he had never been as good flier as James, for example.

"Krhm" Tonks gave a little cough. Lupin drifted back from his memories and remembered the situation. 

"Oh, sorry. Well, what was I saying again… yeah, that's pretty much it, how she was."

Tonks looked disappointed. "And?"

"And what?" Lupin asked, even though he knew what Tonks was waiting.

"Why did she write to you and told that she _still_ hadn't forgotten you? What was it between you two? What happened?"

Lupin stood up. "I think I have told you everything you need to know right now. I have to start working, and you need some sleep." Tonks looked desperate because she had understood that this was the end of the conversation. 

"You can't do this to me! You evil man!" Lupin walked out of door. "Remus Lupin, come back! You haven't even told me exactly what she looks like! And why did she sign the letter with name "Star"? What happened to you two? Are you going to answer her letter? Come back, you, you… just come back? Please?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Thank you for reading my story; please let me know what you thought about it. **

**The next chapter will be up quite soon.**


	3. The Answer

**Hello, hello. Here comes the third chapter, finally introducing ****Lena****. Please read and review!**

**All the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are also my own characters (****Lena**** Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they naturally belong to me. **

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

III Answer

Lena Silverspoon stared out of the window. Diagon Alley looked shadowy and misty, like always at five o'clock in the morning. Street was empty and quiet and only move was from a black cat that was chasing a rat in the shadows. She preferred night to day because then she had the possibility to be herself and think. Her life wasn't quite like she had planned it. In fact, it was not at all like she had planned it. She wondered if Remus had already got her letter and still couldn't decide whether sending it had been good or bad idea. Was it fair for him? And for her? She sighed. The letter had already been sent, no matter what she decided now, so all she could to was to wait and see if Remus answered.

She sat there till the morning, watching the sun rise and the street to wake up. Soon there were people walking up and down the street, still drowsy and tired-looking. Suddenly she felt warm lips pressed against her neck.

"Good morning, honey. Couldn't you sleep or why are you here? Is something wrong?" said a sleepy voice behind her. 

"No, I just… I woke up a little earlier and came here.  Nothing's wrong, Oliver." Lena stood up and turned to face her husband, forcing a smile to her face. Oliver Prewett was a good-looking and pompous man and he always wanted to look well-groomed. He would have even slept with his tie on if Lena had allowed him to do that. 

"I'll make some breakfast" she said and walked out of the room. Automatically she opened the closets and prepared some breakfast. She couldn't face her husband at the moment, now that she had finally admitted that it had been a huge mistake to marry him at the first place. Oliver was a nice man but definitely not the one for her. No, no, no. 

After half an hour they both left for their work, Oliver for Flourish and Blotts where he was working as a shop manager and Lena for Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour. She was a waitress but she really wasn't proud of her job. With her education she could have got an interesting and exciting job from somewhere else, but she couldn't leave the Diagon Alley because Oliver's job was here. And to be honest, she had never even gone anywhere and tried to find a better job. Of course in Diagon Alley she had applied for every other job expect this – but finally she had had to take what she could get. And by this day, she had also been too scared to leave the Diagon Alley. It had become her shelter – but also her jail.  

Lena arrived to the Ice-Cream Parlour and changed to her working dress: baby blue, short robe and silly frilled scarf. She also had a white and laced apron that she really hated. She actually hated everything in her job - the building, her boss, customers. She shot final glance at her reflection in the mirror before starting the day's work. The star on her forehead was shining brightly in the morning light that came to room from a big window behind her. She rubbed the tattoo absent-mindedly, remembering only too well the fuss about it when she had taken it. Her parents had been horrified and angry, she could still hear her mother's screams: "What have you done, stupid girl! That will last forever, you know that, do you! On your face, what were you thinking?" and her father shouting: "What will you do next, go selling your body on the streets? Think about our family, our reputation! No one will marry you if you look like a whore!" 

Her friends had all thought that it was awesome and almost too cool, but there had been one who hadn't liked it. Lily had never forgiven her the fact that she took the tattoo. They had been planning tattoos for years, sun for Lily and star for Lena, but Lily never found the guts to actually take it. So the little star on Lena's forehead had always been a reminder of something Lily hadn't dared to do and that was something that was really driving her mad. Even though they still remained best of friends to each other, Lena's tattoo left scars on their friendship that couldn't be forgotten. 

Lena stared at her reflection. She had never really regretted taking the tattoo, even though she thought that doing it had been more like showing everyone that she could do something like that. Something so rebellious. Her face was even paler than normally, because she hadn't slept at all last night. She braided her hair to stop it from coming all over her face and sighed. Another day of dull work coming. 

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

At about quarter to two Lena felt for the first time that day that she had time to take a little break. It had been a very busy day and another rush of people always came right after the preceding had left. It was late August and start of the schools was drawing nearer. That meant that it was very crowded in Diagon Alley because of the students who came to buy their school stuff.

Lena was feeling exhausted and depressed. No answer from Remus, and no prospects for lighter tomorrow. Nothing to wait for, nothing to live for. Only happy part of the school rushes was that Oliver would probably be really satisfied after a long day of selling lots of schoolbooks and he would be so full of his own superiority that he wouldn't even notice Lena tonight. That would leave her alone with her thoughts and give her the tranquillity she needed. 

She was slowly eating her peach, peanut butter and basil –flavoured sundae, day's special, but she didn't really taste it. Before started working at the Ice-Cream Parlour she had really adored ice cream, but after a couple of days' work in the middle of all sorts of ice creams she had actually started to feel disgust for it. Now she had become dulled of ice cream – when she felt hungry, it was easy to get it so why not eat it. Why to bother walking away from her job when she could as well eat there?

While she was sitting there she saw something flying nearer. It was her tiny owl, Calliope, returning. Lena's stomach gave a little jolt. Would there be an answer from Remus? And if yes, what would it be? She didn't even know what to hope, neither what to expect. There had been so much going on when they had last had the chance to talk. And so much had happened after that…

Last time they had seen each other had been really awful situation. It was James and Lily Potter's funeral, beautiful and sorrowful ceremony full of hidden emotion. Lord Voldemort had finally been defeated, or so people supposed, and little Harry Potter had amazingly survived his attack. He had become the boy who lived. A loved couple had become part of history and their death legendary. Everybody wanted to come to the funeral and respect their memory. Dumbledore had tried to arrange a quiet funeral for only a handful of people but even he couldn't have managed to do that. 

For Remus the funeral must have been the worst experience ever – he had lost three of his best friends, two of them dead and the third sent in Azkaban. Instead of loosing one friend and carrying the sorrow together with the others, he had had to take also the betrayal of his trusted friend and then the murder of another. Alone in the spot, he was the one who had to answer all the questions and hide his grief. Lena had seen him there – he had looked really exhausted and still had kept going.

They hadn't talked to each other at the funeral. One time Lena had caught Remus staring at her, but when she had tried to go and talk to him he had ran away. Of course it hadn't been a good situation for a nice long chat after many years but still… It wouldn't have hurt him if he just had said "hello", would it?

Lena returned back from her memories and stroked gently Calliope's feathers. With a rush of excitement she noticed a little piece of parchment tied in her leg. She untied it quickly and opened it. 

No, I could never forget you, Selene. I can never forget the thing that happened back then and I still haven't forgiven it to myself. I never will. I can't meet you without feeling all that pain and guilt and I really wouldn't like to feel it again. So much has happened after the last time we saw, so much is different now. But I can't deny the fact that I would like to see you again. I'm just not sure if I'm ready yet. I don't know what to think. I really don't.

Remus

Lena let the paper slip to the ground and gave a tiny sigh. What had she been waiting for? An invitation to live with him where ever he lived? Well, not exactly. Maybe she had forgotten that Remus had always been the quiet and sensitive one, the one with feelings and ability to show them better than his friends. 

She stroked her neck and sank back to her memories. She remembered it all like yesterday, all the fear and horror of other people. The pain that had been clearly visible in Remus's eyes when he had realised what he had done. And the waiting. The horrible, killing waiting when no one knew exactly how much harm had been done. 

Oh yes, she remembered it too.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Dramatic?**** Oh yes. Deal with that. :)**

**Thank you for reading my story; please review and make me happy.**


	4. Lapdance

**Thank you, ****CapriceAnn**** Hedican-Kocur and anubis04 for encouraging reviews! It is really nice to hear that someone has actually _read_ this :) **

**Anyway, here's the new chapter, bit longer than the previous ones, hope you like it. More reviews wouldn't do any harm but if you really don't have time…? Nah, just read it, and I will be pleased, even though I will never know you read it.**

**All the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are also my own characters (****Lena**** Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they naturally belong to me. **

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

IV Lapdance                                                                                                        

Lupin came home late in the night just to find that Tonks had left him little snacks in the kitchen table. He heard her snoring in her bedroom and decided to take a glass of wine, a great drink invented by the wood nymphs and not by the muggles, even though the muggles liked to think it was all their invention. 

Lupin wondered to the living room and found his favourite armchair. He sat in the darkness for some time, sipping his wine and thinking about everything. The person that filled all his thoughts was of course Lena Selene Silverspoon, little Star. 

Lupin remembered he had had a crush on her from his very first year at Hogwarts. Lena had always been the wilder and more imaginative of the Twins – that was something that had made her even more attractive in Lupin's eyes. His friends Sirius Black and James Potter had been of course the worst troublemakers of the school, but Lena hadn't been bad either. She had always done all sorts of cleaver tricks but had never got caught. 

Lupin usually hadn't had the chance to talk to her. She had always been with Lily and Lupin had always been with Sirius and James, so as Lily hadn't wanted to spend time near James it had been almost impossible for Lupin to make contact to Lena. Lupin wasn't sure if she had noticed his secret admiration. 

They were both made prefects at their fifth year which gave Lupin the chance he had been wishing. It was the possibility to talk to her about something, even if it was only something about prefect duties. Suddenly he saw her everywhere and she also came to talk to him. Sirius and James always teased him about Lena and asked how the "project Silverspoon" was progressing. James had probably been a bit jealous, because he had been used to the fact that he was the one who got everything he wanted and suddenly his quiet friend came and made more progress with a girl than he had never managed to make. Lupin smiled alone in the dark. How silly little boys they had all been that time. 

He didn't know when Lena had actually found out about his crush but he remembered one little incident at the end of their sixth year at Hogwarts. He still wasn't sure if Lena had anything to do with it but he had strong hunch that it had been just that kind of thing Lena would be capable and willing to do. Lupin sank deep in his memories and lived it all again. 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It was a rainy afternoon and the Defence Against the Dark Arts –lesson had just ended. Remus was packing his stuff when Sirius came to him and whispered: "I have a damn good idea about tomorrow. Meet me in the Great Hall at dinner and I'm going to share it with you." Sirius grinned madly and ran away. 

Remus stared after him, feeling a bit worried. He sure wanted to know what Sirius was up to but still he didn't want to get himself into too much trouble. Tomorrow was going to be their last Hogsmeade visit before summer holidays and Sirius was obviously planning to do something in there. 

The Great Hall was already packed with hungry people when Remus came in but it was still easy for him to locate his friends: Sirius, James and Peter. They waved at him and he joined them in the table. "So" started Sirius. "I expect you all want to hear my excellent plan about our Hogsmeade trip." James and Peter nodded with enthusiasm but Remus only waited for him to continue. "I heard that there are some dance girls at the upstairs of the Hog's Head. We are going to go there and see them!" he finished with a triumphant grin. 

James shot a short glance at the girls near by and Remus knew he was thinking about Lily. Then he made his decision and nodded to Sirius. "That sounds cool! But how're we going to get there? I mean, we should probably be of age before we can see them, shouldn't we?" he asked. "My source said that they don't ask ages. They don't care who their clients are as long as they have clients…" James accepted that and they both turned to look at Remus. "Well, our prefect boy, are you ready to do it?" James asked with a little smile. Remus wasn't sure what he wanted. "Look, I really don't know about this…" Sirius raised his eyebrows. "What do I hear? You're not willing to see beautiful girls? Oh, I see, you already have your own honey… by the way, how are you progressing with that Silverspoon girl?" Remus blushed. The fact was, actually, that he hadn't made any progress at all lately. They were friends but that was all. He looked at his friends and nodded. "I'm coming with you."

Weather was better the next day: it didn't rain but it was still grey and somehow depressing.  Remus, Sirius, James and Peter walked out of the castle, waiting excitedly their trip to the upstairs of the Hog's Head. They didn't talk much and Remus preferred it that way. He still wasn't sure if the thing they were planning to do was a good idea. But now it was already too late to back out. 

When they arrived to Hogsmeade they headed straight to the Hog's Head. The bar was almost empty and as repressive as always. For a moment they stood at the doorway, uncertain of where to go. Then Sirius spotted a small sign at the back of the bar that told: "Madame Crimson's girls – here to entertain you". They walked through the bar and found narrow stairs leading to darkness. Sirius looked at other boys and asked: "Well, are we going then?" They nodded and started to climb the stairs. 

In upstairs they found a small reception desk with a quite old lady sitting behind it. She wore a black satin dress with small feathers and little pearls as decorations and she had lifted her hair up to a loose bun. She had a long cigarette in her hand and she sucked it intensely. Despite her age she was a really impressive and marvellous-looking woman.

All the boys only stared at her for a second. The woman laughed and started to speak with a low and husky voice. "Hello, my young, pleasure-seeking friends. I expect you are come to meet my girls?" Sirius stepped forward and nodded nervously. "Good. You may go to the room six, I'm sending four girls after you. Make yourselves comfortable, they come in a minute."

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter walked the corridor quietly and came to the room six. They stepped in and examined the room with interest. It was quite small but surprisingly tidy. There were about six comfortable-looking armchairs in the corners of the room and plain area in the middle of the room – it was obviously for the girls. There were no windows in the room and the lighting was dim and reddish. Remus chose an armchair furthest away from the door and sank in it. Sirius, James and Peter had also found seats to them and sat down. No one said a thing, they were all waiting. 

Suddenly music started. It was slow jazz, sexy and lazy. The doors opened and four girls stepped in. The expression "girls" was a bit wrong – none of them was younger than 35 years. They were still all very beautiful and their moves were soft and planned. The boys stared at them, awestruck. One of the ladies was blond, two were brunettes and the fourth had raven hair. The "girls" danced in the middle of the room for some time and started then moving towards the boys. The blond came to Remus and smiled to him cunningly. There was something very familiar in that smile. Remus frowned a bit, wondering if he had seen the woman before. 

Then, without any warning, the lady came and sat on his lap. Remus became totally confused and didn't know what to do with his hands. He ended up placing his hands on the both sides of him, carefully not touching the woman. She bent down and whispered to his ear: "You can call me Carla". Remus nodded weakly, totally puzzled. Sirius hadn't told anything about communicating with the girls. He had only talked about watching them. Remus looked what the other boys were doing and saw Sirius kissing the tall brunette sitting on his lap. James looked a bit insecure with the black-haired woman and Peter was looking totally frightened with the lady dancing in front of him. 

"Relax." He heard the soft whisper in his ear and turned to face the woman. She was rubbing his shoulders, trying to make him relax. Remus took a deep breath and smiled at Carla. After all he had come this far so why not dive even deeper. Carla gave that cunning and seductive smile again and Remus felt a warm jolt in his stomach. There was something really familiar about that smile.  

He didn't know how long he just sat there, watching Carla's blue eyes and thinking of someone with sparkling green eyes. Then Carla started soft movements – she started to dance there, sitting on his lap. She made slow, round movements with her laps and caressed his chest with her hands at the same time. Remus started to breathe faster. This must've been the thing they called the lapdance…

After about a half an hour of intense dancing Remus felt Carla's body starting to feel somehow softer and slimmer. He raised his eyes and noticed Carla's hair looking now rather pink instead of shocking blond it had been in the beginning. Carla seemed to wake up from some kind of trance she had been during the dance. Other girls had also stood up and were now waving nervously to Carla. The black-haired girl was looking really nervous and her hair looked also bit redder. "Come on now, Le—uhm _Carla! We really have to go now!"_

Carla rose up and gave a soft kiss to Remus. Her hair was turning redder every second. She whispered: "See you, Remus" and hurried out of the room, leaving him really puzzled and confused. The door closed behind the girls and silence fell to the room. 

Sirius was the first one to speak. "What the hell was that? Why did they leave so quickly?" Remus took a glance at him, trying to understand what had just happened. Had the others noticed how different the girls had looked like when they left? James was obviously pondering on something really hard. He was licking his lips, probably remembering the raven-haired girl's kisses. Peter looked rather pale and shocked and he had sunk really deep in his chair. Sirius frowned in a slightly annoyed way and took a deep breath. Then he turned to face the others and grinned in his usual way. "Well, that was surely something, wasn't it?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Lupin had never found out if Carla had actually been Lena, because nothing had changed after the incident. Lena had still been as friendly as ever towards him and soon Lupin had begun to think he had only imagined the whole hair colour changing thing. But still… There could have been a new spark in her eyes, like a new secret she only knew. Lupin sighed. It didn't matter anymore. He still didn't know what to do.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Thank you for reading my story; you've come this far so review, will you? :) **

**I'll put more up soon. **


	5. The fox and the werewolf

**Hallo again.**

**Here comes the chapter 5, revealing something new about **Lena******… **

**Big thanks to my reviewers, I love you. **

**All the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are also my own characters (****Lena**** Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they naturally belong to me. **

**Please read, review and make me a happy little girl. **

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

V The fox and the werewolf

Lena left her job and walked slowly to the Flourish and Blotts. It was already seven o'clock in the evening and the shops were about to close for the day. There were still some customers in the Flourish and Blotts when Lena stepped in. She located her husband easily and approached him. 

"Yes, I'm proud to say I am. I am the second son of Fabian Prewett and Gideon Prewett was my uncle", she heard Oliver say in a self-important way. A small witch listening to him seemed to have completely forgotten the original reason why she had entered the shop. "Is it true… is it true that it took four supporters of You-Know-Who to kill them?" she asked timidly. Oliver gave a short laugh. "No, my lady, the number is actually five! Yes, it took five Death eaters to kill my father and his brother. And they fought like heroes! I always said to other kids that my dad, he will do something great…" The small witch gave an admiring sigh and smiled at him. He smiled back and winked. 

Lena had heard enough. Silently she left the shop – when Oliver had found someone who wanted to hear stories about his father (his favourite subject) and his uncle (his secod favourite subject), there was nothing to do to make him stop. Lena found this quite calming. Now she had the house all to herself and her thoughts. 

She went home and decided to take a shower. She undressed and caressed her neck absent-mindedly. After all these years, she could still feel the scars. The scars made by Remus… She sighed and stepped under the pouring water. It was really relaxing and for one second she only felt the warm water and forgot every confusing and stressing thought she had ever had. The thoughts were like the water, flushing down in the sewer. 

After the shower she went to her favourite place in the house – a window facing the Diagon Alley. She used to sit there on the windowsill and watch the street. She longed to get away from the town. She was a nature child; she wanted to run freely in the forests and moors. 

At her school times she had loved to sneak out from the school to the Forbidden Forest and the vast grounds of Hogwarts – that's how she first found out that there was something peculiar in Remus's monthly absences. One night, she had seen Remus and Madam Pomfrey go under the Whomping Willow and had become very curious. Of course she couldn't have asked it directly from Remus, so she had decided to follow his friends instead. She had thought that they might have known something about Remus's absences and had been right about that. 

She had soon found out that Remus was a werewolf and Sirius and James were planning to become Animagi to keep company for him. Of course knowing the fact that Remus was a werewolf had made her feel bit scared and confused at first but she had got over it soon and started practising, her aim also to become an Animagus. She had been a clever student and she had always been particularly good at Transfigurations, so it hadn't been too hard for her to find out how to do it. She had actually managed to do it faster than Sirius and James and that was something that still made her somewhat proud.

She had transformed into a fox – it was her favourite animal. Every month, at the time of the full moon she had sneaked out from the castle to watch Sirius, James and Peter run with transformed Remus. She had been fascinated by the strength and the frightening beauty of the fully grown werewolf but had never dared to go and meet them. She hadn't known how the werewolf would react if he saw an unknown animal. Sirius had once spotted her, hiding in the bushes. Maybe he had thought she had only been an ordinary fox, or maybe he hadn't wanted to think of anything else. Because after all, the thing they were doing was not only highly dangerous but also illegal and forbidden in the school rules. 

Lena had really loved and still enjoyed being an Animagus. Being a fox had meant a whole new world for her – softer movements, animal instincts and closer connection to the earth. She had quickly learnt how to wonder safely in the Forbidden Forest and hunt for her food. At first she had slunk out every night, but had soon become too tired to carry on without any sleep. 

Lena heard the door open and close. Oliver had come home. Soon enough, she heard footsteps coming nearer when he came and hugged her. He was still in a very good mood – the small witch in the bookstore had probably listened to his stories for ages and he didn't usually find such devoted audience. "Listen, honey, you know Alarik from Quality Quidditch Supplies?" he didn't wait for her answer and carried on: "Well, he came to me today and asked me if I wanted to go to the Leaky Cauldron and play some wizard chess tonight. So if you don't mind…" Lena raised her green eyes and smiled. "No, you go there. I'm fine, I'll find something to do here alone." Oliver kissed her at the forehead: "You're wonderful, my little Star."

When Oliver had left, Lena remained sitting on the windowsill. Oliver had never really cared about her feelings. He was so different from Remus. Remus had always asked how she was feeling and what she wished to do. Remus had never forced her to do anything she hadn't wanted. 

She had known that Remus had a crush on him long before they got together. She had also been attracted to him for a very long time but had never done anything to make their friendship become deeper. For some reason, even she didn't know why, she had wanted to keep their relationship friendly as long as possible. Of course there had been some line-crossings: she still smiled when she remembered their little dance show at the Hog's Head during their sixth year.

Lily had found out that Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were planning to go and see the dance girls at the Hog's Head and she had found it really annoying. She had finally realised the attraction of James, something that Lena never understood, and she actually didn't want James to look at any other girls. They weren't together that time but it was only a matter of time before Lily would have given up and gone out with James. 

So Lena had come out with a clever plan to have some fun with the boys. With two other girls they had taken some polyjuice potion Lena always kept stored for situations like that and replaced four of the dance girls. They had almost got caught – not by the real dancers (Lily had made a shrewd Sleeping Charm to get them out of their way) but the boys. Lena had been so carried away by the moment that she hadn't realised the time passing and the effect of the polyjuice potion had faded away almost completely before she managed to get out of the room. She had never really asked Remus whether he had recognised her or not. She had decided to act like nothing had happened and Remus had never asked anything. Remembering the incident still got smile on her face – they had been so young and careless that time. 

Finally, during their sixth year, things had started to happen. First Lily and James had got together – they had been madly in love with each other. James had also become less self-centred and more sensitive; he had actually been almost an ideal boyfriend for Lily and she had been really crazy about him.

A little while after Lily and James becoming a couple Remus had finally managed to pluck up some courage to ask Lena out. She had of course accepted to go out with him and they had started intense dating. It had been such a wonderful time. Lena had been so happy with him and they had both thought it would last forever. 

Little tears started to fall down Lena's cheeks. If only she hadn't made that fatal mistake… Remus had never forgiven it to himself, even though it hadn't been his fault. Her world had fallen down and she could only imagine how Remus must have felt. Everything had gone so horribly wrong. And she wasn't sure if it was possible to heal the wounds even after so many years.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Secrets, secrets… The next chapter will actually reveal what happened between Remus and Lena, why did they broke up and what is the talk about Lena's scars… **

**Maybe I'll post it after a couple more reviews, just to keep you guys waiting… :) **

**please**** review, please?**


	6. The accident and the vengeance

**Hello everybody! **

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated sooner, I really didn't mean to keep you waiting THIS long.  Please forgive me and keep on reading.**

**Big thanks to all my reviewers, you really make me the happiest girl on the Earth… :) **

**All the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are also my own characters (****Lena**** Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they naturally belong to me. **

**And again, PLEASE read and review!**

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

VI The accident and the vengeance

Lena spent another sleepless night sitting on the windowsill. Oliver came home very late, very drunk and smelling distantly of strong perfume – he didn't even notice that Lena wasn't in the bed. Somehow Lena thought it was a relief that Oliver treated her so badly; after all, she didn't want to carry on their marriage and now she had some proper reasons to claim a divorce. 

Next morning was rainy and seemed to be reflecting her mood. She had been thinking of Remus all night and the more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that Remus could never forgive her. She went to her work, tired and irritated. Luckily, the cold and rainy weather meant less customers in the Ice-Cream Parlour and she didn't have to deal with all the people who couldn't decide what they wanted. Or people with cranky children. 

At noon came her friend Arabetta. She looked really angry and worried about something. She was breathing hard as though she had been running. "Lena? I need to have a word with you. It's about Oliver." Lena invited her to the staff room and offered her some coffee. She was quite sure she knew what was coming. And she wasn't wrong.

"Listen, Lena. I know this must be a shock for you and believe me, it really was a shock for me, but… I thought you ought to know. I came here in the minute I find out about them. It's horrible, the girl is so young, she can't be a day older than twenty!" Lena tapped Arabetta's hand and tried to calm her down. "Breathe, Arabetta. What are you trying to say?" 

Arabetta took a deep breath and said in an undertone: "I saw him… saw him kissing that Clearwater girl. The shop assistant, you know, Penelope Clearwater. I can't understand how he dares – in the broad daylight! But how are you, my dear? This must be awful to you!" Arabetta looked at Lena eyes full of worry. Lena sighed. "No, actually it isn't. I knew he had something going on with someone, so it's really a relief he finally got caught." 

She frowned slightly. "Who was it again? Penelope Clearwater? Is she the one with short, blond hair?" Arabetta shook her head. "No, she's the one with long, curly hair. She is actually quite pretty" she continued thoughtfully, looking then really horrified. "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way, of course she's nothing compared to you, really, I don't understand what Oliver sees in her!" Lena laughed. "Don't worry, I'm okay. I think I'd better get back to work, Florean is going to sack me if I "don't fulfil the requirements", like he has said." Arabetta rose quickly and hurried out of the room. "Yeah, that's true I'm sorry I'm still here, don't be mad at me, please? Are you sure you'll be fine?" Lena nodded. "Positive. And hey, I won't be mad at you!"

Lena walked slowly to the counter. So this was it. End of their marriage. Lena thought back in her life and couldn't remember when she would have been happy with Oliver. At first their relationship had only been a vengeance to Remus. Then being with Oliver had become an easy way to protect her from cracking under the pressure of pain and dark thoughts. Oliver had fallen desperately in love with her and suddenly she had found herself married to him. She had never been truly unhappy with him, but there had always been something missing. 

With Remus it had all been so perfect – but it had only lasted for three weeks. Three weeks they had been happily together and then had come the full moon. Lena hadn't told Remus the fact that she knew his secret or that she was an Animagus. So, when the full moon had come, Remus had disappeared telling that he had to go and visit his aunt who had suddenly got ill. 

Lena had gone to the grounds as a fox that night, intending only to watch the three guys run with the werewolf. It had been a starless night but moon had been shining brightly in the dark sky. Lena remembered the feeling of being left alone – there was his boyfriend and three other friends, sharing the same secret and having great time together and she was bound to hide in the bushes, watching it all with envy. 

Then something unexpected had happened; a herd of centaurs had come to the wood square they were in. Confusion and fear had spread between the three guys because Remus had started to move restlessly. Lena could still remember the unasked questions in the air: How would the werewolf react to the centaurs? A werewolf isn't danger to animals but the centaurs were half-human… 

Sirius and James had decided to lead the centaurs away from the werewolf. It hadn't been too easy because the centaurs were thinking creatures and because of the werewolf Sirius and James couldn't transform into humans to explain themselves. At last they had managed to get the centaurs follow themselves and roamed deeper to the forest. 

Lena had seen Remus in the square, left alone with frightened Peter Pettigrew that had transformed into a rat. She had seen her chance to meet the werewolf, to finally show them her true form. She had carefully approached Remus and at first everything had gone very well. The werewolf had been mildly interested in the small fox and they had been staring at each other for some time.

Then Lena had made her worse mistake ever. She still felt physical pain when she only remembered her own stupidity. She had thrown away all the precaution and transformed into human. Remus had become a furious beast the very moment he had seen her flaming red hair and her green, hypnotizing eyes. With no time at all he had clutched her hand and sunk his sharp teeth in her neck. She remembered the horrible pain she had felt. She had been so sure she was going to die. 

Suddenly Remus had released his grip and she had fallen to the ground. James had become to her help by kicking the werewolf into his chest. The silent night had suddenly   been full of noise: Sirius's barks, Peter's squeaks and Remus's growls. She had almost passed out because of the pain but had managed to transform into the fox to stop Remus attacking her again. And even after all these years she remembered the expression on Remus's face when he had understood what he had done. She could still see the ultimate, breaking pain in his eyes. Wolf's eyes. She didn't know for sure what had happened next but she remembered distantly being carried to the castle by James. 

Lena had been told later that she had been unconscious for three days and no one had known if she would ever wake up again. When she had woken up, everyone had been very relieved but their worries had not been over yet. The bite of a werewolf always meant that the victim would also become a werewolf, but Lena still hadn't had the symptoms that usually came right after the bite. No one knew for sure what had happened when she had transformed into a fox right after the bite. Maybe it had been the blood of the fox that saved her or maybe something else had happened, but when the moon came full again she didn't transform into a werewolf. 

Lena had had to spend five weeks in the hospital wing before Madam Pomfrey allowed her to leave. Remus had never come to see her during her time in the hospital wing. Lena had met James once when he had come to visit her with Lily but he had refused to talk about the accident or Remus. He had seemed a bit angry and she had seen the question "Why?" in his eyes.

She still couldn't understand why she had done it. It had seemed to be such a good idea when she had done it, but it had ruined everything. Remus had accused himself of what had happened. Lena knew that it had been her, and only her fault but Remus still seemed to forbid that fact. 

Every day, she had been waiting for Remus to come and kiss all the pain away. He had never come. Lena had become bitter and angry – hadn't it been her who had had to spend five weeks lying in bed? Hadn't it been her who had had to suffer incredulous pains because of the cuts in her neck? Hadn't it been her who had almost become werewolf? She had completely forgotten the fact that none of those things would have happened if she had remained in the bushes that fatal night.  

She had wanted to revenge on Remus. He had seemed to have totally forgotten her so she had decided to forget him as well. Oliver Prewett had asked her out couple of times before she had started dating Remus and now she had accepted Oliver's invitation. They had started dating and Lena never spoke to Remus again. She had suffered internally but her haughtiness had made her blind – she had refused to accept the fact that it had been her fault and that it should have been her duty to go and apologize Remus. 

"It must've been a nightmare to him" she said quietly to the lemonade machine. But maybe it wasn't too late to apologize. Maybe everything _could _be repaired. It needed time, yes, but it was worth trying. She smiled to the water can. "I will make it better. I know that I can."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Thanks for reading my story, please review!  **


	7. Ice Cream

**Hello again...**

**sorry it has taken so long time for me to update, but I have been really busy with school and stuff. **

**Anyways, here's the new chapter, hope you like it. **

**All the characters you might recognize (Lupin, Tonks etc.) are property of J.K.Rowling and not mine. There are also my own characters (**Lena****** Silverspoon, Oliver Prewett) and they naturally belong to me. **

**And again, PLEASE read and review!**

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

VII Ice Cream

Lupin stretched his arms and rose up. He had been doing some paper work for the Order and now it was time for eating. He went to the kitchen and took a slice of bread. There was nothing to put on it in the fridge, because Tonks and Lupin were both too lazy to go and by anything. Usually they just ordered some pizza or Chinese. It was two o'clock in the afternoon but Tonks was still sleeping – she had been on duty all night and she was obviously really tired.

Lupin thought about their situation. To be honest, it looked a bit odd – two of them living in the same household, both singles. He had never really thought Tonks as a woman; she had always been more like a little sister to him and he was sure Tonks was feeling the same about him. Tonks was bright and funny and he had always felt himself at ease with her. She was a bit too curious to his mind but it didn't matter too much. Though now she had become quite irritating – any time she had the chance she asked some awkward questions about his past. But after all, Lupin cared really much about Tonks. And he was sure Tonks would never let him down. 

He still hadn't forgiven himself for what had happened to Lena. He thought it had been his fault, that he had betrayed her. But then Lena had started dating that pompous clown, Oliver Prewett and Lupin had started to feel anger towards her. He had thought back then that no one in their right mind would have wanted to date Oliver Prewett and he still thought so. 

He had seen them together first at James and Lily's wedding and then at their funeral. They had looked such a perfect couple, Lena so beautiful and fair and Oliver good-looking and well-groomed – he had begun to think that he had deserved it. After all, he _had _bit her and made her go through a lot of suffering and pain. If Lena had chosen to be with that Prewett guy, he had no choice but to accept this. 

Lupin couldn't understand why she had written to him if she was happy with his husband. Was it only to tease him? Maybe she only wanted to see how much influence she still had on him? Lupin heard footsteps on the door, raised his eyes and froze. In the doorway stood Lena with her flaming red hair loose and her green eyes twinkling. Lupin stared at her for a moment. Then Lena spoke.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said and winked. Lupin sighed. "Tonks, cut it out. That's not funny, I almost had a heart attack!" Tonks laughed and transformed back to her own body. "So, I take it she looked something like that. You should have seen your face, you looked like you had seen a chimaera standing in front of you!" 

Lupin forced a little laugh. "Yeah, I guess so. But you looked quite much like her. Only she has this little tattoo on her forehead. A star. That's why we called her Star." Tonks looked awestruck. "A star? You're not kidding, are you?" Lupin shook his head and Tonks continued: "I'm sure I have seen her somewhere. Definitely. Do you happen to know where she lives or what she does for living nowadays?" Lupin shook his head again and Tonks frowned. 

Lupin didn't put too much weight about Tonks saying she had seen Lena somewhere. Tonks always thought she knew everyone beforehand and usually she was wrong. This time, though, she looked a bit more convinced that she was right than normally. After a couple of minutes' hard thinking she shrugged and got up. "Well, I just got an idea. Why not we go to Diagon Alley and do some shopping? We both have night off tonight and as you can see, we have nothing to eat here. We also need some kitchen tools and I think even the smallest change of scenery would do fine for you. We could maybe have some ice cream too", she added in a sly way. Lupin shot a suspicious glance at her but decided to give it a try. And true, they really needed some food. 

They Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron and entered the Diagon Alley. It had been raining in the morning but now there were no signs of the grey and dull weather left. Sun was shining brightly and weather was good. Tonks and Lupin went first for the kitchen tools: they bought some neon-green chopsticks and a funny cheese slicer with a head of a basilisk. After buying kitchen stuff Tonks insisted on going to have some ice cream and finally Lupin gave up and agreed to go with her. 

Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour was full of customers but they managed to find a small table on the back of the terrace. Lupin had never really liked ice cream but something in the way Tonks was demanding him to come had made him feel that maybe ice cream was not a bad idea at all. Tonks was viewing the café with curiosity and soon smile spread to her face. "Here she comes", she whispered.

Lupin had no idea what she meant by saying this but he glanced at the way she was looking. His heart seemed to stop beating and he felt he couldn't breathe. There she was, staring at him in all her beauty. She was looking really shocked and her green eyes were wide and hypnotizing. Her hair was as wild and violent red as ever and the star on her forehead shone brightly in the sunshine. Both of them were staring at each other and Lena dropped the sundae she was carrying. The time seemed to stop. Lupin closed his eyes. This was it. The moment he had been waiting for all of his life. 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Liked it? Please review... **


End file.
